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Happy Birthday EverQuest!

Although many geeks will dispute it and start throwing around names of games that you’ve never heard of while their voice slowly morphs into a dead-on imitation of “The Comic Book Guy” from the Simpsons…

EverQuest was one of the most popular and influential games of its kind, ever.

And now she’s 10 years old.

TEN years and still going strong – can you even being to comprehend what 10 years is in video game terms? Or a more appropriate measure for the passage of time – the attention span of geeks? We chew through video games faster than a pit bull on a wayward girl scout, and even the most widely anticipated game only yields a few months of play at the very most.

It has been admitted and never once denied that the success of EQ not only inspired, but paved the way for other games of the like, and fully ushered in the popularity of MMOG’s as the genre struggled along. Without EverQuest, there would be no World of Warcraft, no Warhammer, and no Tabula Ra…

Okay. Bad example, (too soon?) but the point is there and no matter your feeling for the game, love it or hate it you have to admit that going strong for 10 years is nothing short of a monumental feat.

EverQuest was my first love, my first obsession, and some of my fondest gaming memories still stem from the time I spent playing instead of trying to forge a life or you know, kiss a girl. So in reflection of the ten year mark, I give you the three things that I loved the most about EverQuest, and miss in the current trend of online gaming.

Corpse Runs

Before MMOG’s had to compete for players, and before they were considered for mass market appeal, games were a LOT harder, and death was a penalty to consider – not a mild inconvenience. When you died, you didn’t simply respawn somewhere and have to sit though a minute of “rez-sickness” or get slight damage to your epic armor.

When you died, you were often at times, f***ed.

While this might seem crude, crass, or harsh, it is still the absolute truth. Death was a real penalty with real consequences, so you had to consider your every action lest you become the Grim Reaper’s bitch. When you died, not only did you have to do the walk of shame BACK to your crumpled body…

…but you had to do it stark frigging nude. Which meant tons of gnome ass.

You see, the Gods were a fickle bunch, and while they were kind enough to pull your spirit from the underworld and give you a new body, all of your gear was still on your OLD body, which was probably a million miles away and passing through the colon of whatever monster ticked you off as 2 weight watcher points.

Death, and therefore your actions, had real consequences, and getting back your mangled corpse so that you could loot your own body was a task in itself. Many saw this as a “time sink”, and whined it away by saying that they didn’t have time to pay for their own stupidity, Corpse Runs were one of my favorite things about EverQuest. Not because I was good at them (I was) or not because I felt like a hero for helping a friend yank his body out of a steaming pile of dragon poo, but because they taught us a valuable lesson:

“Don’t screw with crap that can EAT you unless you KNOW you can take it.”

Corpse runs brought us together as players….
“Hey, has anyone seen my body?”

…taught us to consider our actions…
“I’m training to the zone line – ya’ll better MOVE!”

…and added an element of risk and consequence to gaming, something that is now missing today.
“…she’s standing on my corpse. Seriously. She’s just STANDING there and kinda shuffling from side to side like she’s wiping her feet on my ass. Great.”

Auto Attack starts with the letter “A”, and so does “Asswhuppin”.

One of the most alluring things about EverQuest, was the fact that you had to TALK to the NPC’s.

No bubbles, or insta-click-through dialogue to get the quest pop up. Actual conversation. They would say something like…

“Welcome to Shar Val, Coyote. I hope you do better than the last guy. We’re having problems with some locals…”

And you would have to type out “what locals” or “what problems” or respond in turn. Which meant that you actually had to read the quest, learn the lore, and because of THIS interaction – you were once again brought deeper into the game.

…however.

Often you would be in a hurry, or rushed, or trying to squeeze in some playtime so instead of hitting enter to talk, you’d just start typing the words “What locals?” in order to hurry up the quest.

W. H. A – dead.

The auto attack button was always default mapped to the letter a, and unlike your safe MMOG’s of today – you could attack ANYONE in the original EverQuest. Which means that the King of Shar Val whom you are talking to as a noobie, just got whacked in the junk by your impatient typing.

And he HATES that.

Would he laugh it off that a level 3 kitten was pawing at his balls of yarn? Had it happen so many times that he’d just grin and tell you to remap your key? No. Him and the entire guardroom would stomp you to a fine paste for being an impatient dumbass. And you know what?

You kinda deserved it.

It’s Raining Men, Halleluj…crap.

With the inclusion of the expansion “LDoN” (Lost Dungeons of Norrath) came instanced dungeons that were home to you and your friends only. No more fighting for contested monsters, or getting all the way to a camp just to see the tents of another party who beat you there.

LDoN was for you and your friends alone. It was an instance, it was private, and if you died? You started at the beginning of the instance – no biggie.

Unless you died a lot and needed to loot your corpse in order to get back the huge XP debt associated with letting it rot. (By then you were respawning with items. Other MMOG’s were out, gaining popularity, and the casual gamer became the core focus.) So you’d be standing outside of an instance with your five group mates, waiting for it to expire and release your corpses…

…and it would literally rain bodies.

One minute you’d be gathered around the entrance, bragging to another group about your skill and prowess…

…the next you were knee deep in naked gnome ass as those who you were trying to impress looked on absolutely unimpressed.

The Original EverQuest, the only game to this day to ever bury me in naked gnomes in order to disprove my greatness. From its storylines, to its breath taking zones and truly fear inspiring monsters, the fact that the game still goes on today when countless others have pulled server and closed doors stands as a testament to its greatness.

Happy Birthday EverQuest, and may you go on another ten years – because it’ll take me that long to run naked through Gunthak Harbor you jerks.

-Coyote