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Editorial by Coyote, Ten Ton Hammer's MMOG Humorist 

Age of Conan is live, and the servers are filling up with every incarnation of "Conan" that you can imagine. And while no game launch is without its share of issues or unimaginative people using every possible spelling of the name Conan conceivable, AoC has something to offer almost every genre of gamer. Action, adventure, compelling story lines, and even an "M" for "Mature" rating to both captivate and concern those who pick up its box and contemplate playing.

But why the "M" rating? Doesn't this alienate your normal MMORPG player base and limit your customer demographic by age? What could be so controversial in a game set in the world of Conan that would be deserving of adult rating? It isn't Grace Jones is it? Because all games should come with a "Grace Jones" warning. She's frightening beyond belief and if her lithe and manly muscled Wesley Snipes looking self is popping out regularly, this game shouldn't be played by anyone.

Does AoC deserve its M rating?

But I haven't seen Grace Jones. Or Wesley Snipes for that matter, so it has to be something else. Is it the decapitations and blood?

The combat style while new, is still pretty familiar to those who play MMOG's regularly. First or third person avatars following clicked icon commands in order to pummel the enemy into submission. But unlike most MMOG's, Age of Conan offers a "visual" reward for a critical hit.

The brutal slaying of your enemy.

Limbs broken, heads decapitated, and even the splashing of gore onto your screen, one would think that this alone would warrant a warning to parents and players alike.

But it doesn't.

The combat itself isn't overly graphic. Numbers go flying by, arrows point to your foe's weakest defensive side, and the occasional spray of crimson to note a strike is pretty common in almost every RPG out there. Even the death animations seem common to your normal player of violent games, and aren't anything overly disgusting or disturbing. In fact after enough times lobbing off your opponent's head, or stabbing him through the chest, the animations can seem almost annoying as you wish to hurry towards the next fray.

The violence, while there and as realistic as a video game can make it, shouldn't fall far beyond "T" for "Teen". The combat is admittedly brutal, but nothing past what you have seen in scores of other games with lighter ratings and more brightly colored blood and gore. Were the issue of the game to lie only in death, then "T" for "Teen" would be given without a single argument.

But let's be honest with ourselves and the gaming community

Age of Conan is rated M for one reason, and one reason only:

Nipples.

Even now as the word is being read, people are raising their eyebrows and questioning the direction of this article.

Did he just say nipples? Can he say nipples? Why wasn't there a disclaimer at the heading of this content stating in big red letters that the word nipple would be used, not just once but multiple times and in its plural form? But there it is plain as day. Nipple. Unfettered, uncensored, and one of the *main* reasons that Age of Conan has, and deserves an "M for Mature" rating.

Because people have nipples.

According to this woman's unseen nipples - yes it does.

And what was the thought behind putting those two little points of controversy into the game? Wouldn't the game have been exactly the same had nipples been covered? Would content have been drastically altered if they had been airbrushed, blurred, or left off completely? Did Age of Conan truly need to "dot the i's" of the female characters?

In short, yes. Yes it did.

We follow a cultural stigma that tells us that our bodies are wrong. That our bodies are taboo and should be covered, hidden, and exposed only in private. The nude form isn't something to be enjoyed openly, but behind closed doors. We sexualize a portion of the body that gives life to our young from our females, or..just..um..sit there waiting to be pierced or covered with chest hair in our males. Okay, granted - nipples on men are redundant and in the cases of people like Fabio, really big and kind of scary. Seriously, they look like huge wads of discarded bubblegum spat out onto the cover of whatever romance novel he's currently brooding on.

But I digress.

The point is, Age of Conan isn't set in our world. It isn't set in our land and our time and for the reality of the game, it doesn't and shouldn't have our same social stigmas. Were nipples the focal point in graphic sex scenes or used to titillate (ha!) or entice as part of the game's play dynamic then yes, they would be wrong and an "M" rating for strong sexual content would be warranted.

But they're not. They're just there to say "Oh, by the way, people have nipples." Which, we do. (Or you should. If not, stop reading and consult a doctor immediately.) Everyone does, including the people who are extremely offended by the game and now in turn, this article. Hell, some people have three! Famous people like lead singer of The Red Hot Chili Peppers Anthony Kiedis and that one mutant chick from Total Recall. Yet we like to forget, or pretend that our nipples disappear with whatever garment that we put on over them. They're hidden, they're out of sight, and because of that they become taboo.

Man most desires what it cannot have, or in the case of nipples - makes taboo what it cannot see. Were our society so wired that foreheads were considered forbidden, then countless forehead aficionado magazines would spring up and Age of Conan would have hatless women brazenly displaying the upper half of their face without a care in the world causing an uproar while their nipples went about, wholly ignored.

So beyond the violence and blood, the storylines and the content, Age of Conan, in this humble writer's opinion does not deserve the scarlet letter "M" that has been burned forever into it simply because nipples can be seen. Yet my opinion is just that, and due to laws and what our world considers "decency", the M rating stays.

Deserved or not.

This guy has nipples too!

But the next time you see a busty barbarian named "Alottajiggles" or you laugh like a schoolboy at the sight of your first topless, nipple filled NPC encounter, remember this;

You have them too. And because of that, technically, no matter how childish or juvenile you act..

...YOU are rated M for mature.

Because you have nipples.

- Coyote

(Author’s Note: Not one person was harmed in the writing or reading of this article even despite the fact that the word nipple was mentioned 17 times. Nipple. 18.)

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Disclaimer: The opinions, beliefs and viewpoints expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions, beliefs and viewpoints of the Ten Ton Hammer network or staff.